I know it's just better to let something go than to wait for an apology. I know that if she wanted to apologize for all the wrongs she has done towards me, she would have. If she was in any way remorseful or felt any type of guilt, she would have let me know... but she hasn't and it's been 6 months. So, I guess it's safe to say that the apology will never come and that's fine. It's hard to let go but that's what I'll do and as for the apology... I suppose I could apologize to myself, on her behalf... just for myself... for some form of closure.
Where to start? Well, if I'm going to do this, I'll do it correctly. I would like to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the wrongs I did while you let me stay in your home. I'm sorry for the apology you never got. I'm sorry that I disrespected your home by smoking cigarettes in it when you made a point to mention that you quit smoking a few years ago (I'm sorry I never congratulated you on that, either) and prefer all cigarette smoking to be done outside. I'm sorry that I broke your dishwasher and vacuum cleaner. I'm sorry that I wanted to invite a toxic person from my life into your home while you were out of town. I'm sorry that I blamed you for when I neglected my diet. I know you cared but I'm not used to that so I lashed out and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I borrowed your clothes without asking, assuming that it would be okay although we are different sizes and you made a very clear point that your clothing was important to you and so was the privacy of your room which I also invaded. Not only, am I sorry for borrowing one of your favorite white cocktail dresses, I'm sorry that I ruined it with my foundation, then hid it from you so you had to find it after coming home from vacation. I'm sorry that I said I was going to do things like rearrange the photos on your wall, only for you to come home to all the photos off the wall and stashed behind your couch. I'm sorry that even after you told me that the dining room was going to be turned into your production room I still made a disaster of it. I'm sorry that I assumed so much and never opened the lines of communication. I'm sorry that I stole from you, that I thought it was okay for me to rummage through your private sex toy drawer because you've allowed me to read the smut stories you have written. I'm sorry that I decided to steal not only nipple clamps from you but also a sex toy. I'm really sorry that I assumed you wouldn't notice. I'm sorry that at the end of the day, I made you feel bad that I did these things to you. I'm sorry for all the wrongs I did and I'm sorry that I wasn't the friend you thought I was. There, the apology I deserved and you know what? I do feel somewhat better about the whole situation. I know I shouldn't even need an apology but it's so hard not to expect when you know someone had done you wrong in so many ways and that there is no way they were unaware they did these things. But you know what sucks the most? Coming to the harsh realization that someone I had thought of as a "Best Friend" thinks so little of me that she would do these things to me and my family and live her life guilt-free. I doubt anything she has done to others bothers her and I think that really sucks. She'll just continue to leave a trail of disaster and debris through friends and strangers until everyone knows her intentions are never good and always selfish. I still love my friend, but I do believe that I only love the version that I pretended she was this whole time. She shined a light on her true form and it's not that pretty.
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AuthorMarried. Mother. Writer. Artist. Witty. Clever. Positive. Obnoxious. Amazing. Archives
April 2024
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