I know it's just better to let something go than to wait for an apology. I know that if she wanted to apologize for all the wrongs she has done towards me, she would have. If she was in any way remorseful or felt any type of guilt, she would have let me know... but she hasn't and it's been 6 months. So, I guess it's safe to say that the apology will never come and that's fine. It's hard to let go but that's what I'll do and as for the apology... I suppose I could apologize to myself, on her behalf... just for myself... for some form of closure.
Where to start? Well, if I'm going to do this, I'll do it correctly. I would like to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the wrongs I did while you let me stay in your home. I'm sorry for the apology you never got. I'm sorry that I disrespected your home by smoking cigarettes in it when you made a point to mention that you quit smoking a few years ago (I'm sorry I never congratulated you on that, either) and prefer all cigarette smoking to be done outside. I'm sorry that I broke your dishwasher and vacuum cleaner. I'm sorry that I wanted to invite a toxic person from my life into your home while you were out of town. I'm sorry that I blamed you for when I neglected my diet. I know you cared but I'm not used to that so I lashed out and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I borrowed your clothes without asking, assuming that it would be okay although we are different sizes and you made a very clear point that your clothing was important to you and so was the privacy of your room which I also invaded. Not only, am I sorry for borrowing one of your favorite white cocktail dresses, I'm sorry that I ruined it with my foundation, then hid it from you so you had to find it after coming home from vacation. I'm sorry that I said I was going to do things like rearrange the photos on your wall, only for you to come home to all the photos off the wall and stashed behind your couch. I'm sorry that even after you told me that the dining room was going to be turned into your production room I still made a disaster of it. I'm sorry that I assumed so much and never opened the lines of communication. I'm sorry that I stole from you, that I thought it was okay for me to rummage through your private sex toy drawer because you've allowed me to read the smut stories you have written. I'm sorry that I decided to steal not only nipple clamps from you but also a sex toy. I'm really sorry that I assumed you wouldn't notice. I'm sorry that at the end of the day, I made you feel bad that I did these things to you. I'm sorry for all the wrongs I did and I'm sorry that I wasn't the friend you thought I was. There, the apology I deserved and you know what? I do feel somewhat better about the whole situation. I know I shouldn't even need an apology but it's so hard not to expect when you know someone had done you wrong in so many ways and that there is no way they were unaware they did these things. But you know what sucks the most? Coming to the harsh realization that someone I had thought of as a "Best Friend" thinks so little of me that she would do these things to me and my family and live her life guilt-free. I doubt anything she has done to others bothers her and I think that really sucks. She'll just continue to leave a trail of disaster and debris through friends and strangers until everyone knows her intentions are never good and always selfish. I still love my friend, but I do believe that I only love the version that I pretended she was this whole time. She shined a light on her true form and it's not that pretty.
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I know... it sounds rude and uncalled for but seriously... I just don't like it. I'm very much talking about the Christmas gift my Mother-in-Law gave me this year... well, not THIS year because it's only January but you know what I mean... the most recent Christmas gift from her. It's a jacket-like piece of clothing. It's plaid but in white and light blue, which isn't really my cup of tea or color of choice. It doesn't go with anything I own and doesn't look like it even belongs in my closet at all. As bad as I feel about complaining, she's known me for over 15 years and knows me well enough to know that what she bought me isn't something I'd like. That's not even my real complaint. My mother-in-law was in Italy over the summer and as I was texting with her, I joked that I would love a sundress from Italy. She replied, "Haha, maybe not that but I was thinking of getting you and the other adult women (her 2 daughters, and other daughter-in-law) an Italian crossbody purse for Christmas." I LOVED THAT IDEA... and I let her know that I would literally love anything from Italy. Whelp, here came Christmas and I got this disappointment of a gift and the explanation of "Well, I just couldn't find anything in Italy that screamed your name"... NOTHING? Nothing at all, in the entire country of Italy, seemed like something that I MIGHT like? Yet, this overshirt, jacket, what-the-fuck-ever, seemed perfect for me? I feel like such an afterthought at this point. Like she may have gotten me something better as a gift but forgot about someone more important to her than me so they got whatever she got me and I got this POS what-the-fuck-ever from a wholesale, warehouse store (think Costco or Sam's Club). I know I shouldn't let this bother me but it does: I have petty thoughts and a bitter taste in my mouth. Oh, and just for clarity... I gifted her a storm glass for Christmas...It's a diamond shaped glass containing a transparent solution that is composed of a number of chemical substances. Crystals will form different shapes within the solution according to the temperature and weather. Cool, I know. I give good gifts lol. Thanks for listening to me bitch and moan. Enjoy your day! Find some time to relax and give a little kindness if you can spare it! Do well. Be well! I guess it's called a "Shacket"...whatever. |
AuthorMarried. Mother. Writer. Artist. Witty. Clever. Positive. Obnoxious. Amazing. Archives
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